1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"