Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
