Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
