OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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