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• (815): View more from Illinois

  someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.

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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes

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• (917): View more from New York City

  My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.

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• 

  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.

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• (+64): View more from New Zealand

  I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes

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• (845): View more from New York

  Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?

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• (818): View more from California

  Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.

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  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (425): View more from Washington

  So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.

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• (716): View more from New York

  Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.

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