Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.

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  (303): Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call. http://tfl.nu/oew3
  Replies (5) Good night (3438) Bad night (986)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.

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  (613): Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big. http://tfl.nu/u6h6
  Replies (15) Good night (7089) Bad night (899)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.

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  (512): At this point I just want to meet a man with a job. http://tfl.nu/97ts
  Replies (13) Good night (1820) Bad night (1594)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.

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  (601): We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level. http://tfl.nu/1en2
  Replies (12) Good night (3571) Bad night (933)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.

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  (715): I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help. http://tfl.nu/ztsu
  Replies (3) Good night (1393) Bad night (717)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I will be naked everywhere

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  (814): I will be naked everywhere http://tfl.nu/uvl6
  Replies (4) Good night (1904) Bad night (922)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito

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  (516): You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito http://tfl.nu/vwoe
  Replies (11) Good night (1737) Bad night (541)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories

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  (413): Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories http://tfl.nu/hc8i
  Replies (1) Good night (889) Bad night (408)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.

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  (250): Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom. http://tfl.nu/94fe
  Replies (6) Good night (792) Bad night (925)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass

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  (615): Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic. (615): And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass http://tfl.nu/370d
  Replies (0) Good night (735) Bad night (363)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating

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  (216): I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating http://tfl.nu/1tih
  Replies (3) Good night (1145) Bad night (355)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.

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  (315): I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint. http://tfl.nu/31gg
  Replies (4) Good night (492) Bad night (294)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm

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  (501): We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm http://tfl.nu/2891
  Replies (2) Good night (858) Bad night (280)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU

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  (518): ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU http://tfl.nu/vr1a
  Replies (11) Good night (578) Bad night (314)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.

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  (248): My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks. http://tfl.nu/gg52
  Replies (3) Good night (490) Bad night (239)

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