THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
this beer tastes like vomit already
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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