PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
