i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
