You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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