I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
