I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
