That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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