from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
