too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
