I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
