I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i now understand why vodka
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
