I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
