I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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