i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
