just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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