Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
