3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
