u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just found puke in my bra..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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