Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
