It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
