if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
