I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize