Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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