i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
