Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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