I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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