I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
