I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
