I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
