are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
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She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
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Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize