Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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