I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
