It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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