If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
