If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
