hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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