I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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