i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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