toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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