You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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