In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
