He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
