If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
