1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
