I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
