The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
its not stalking. its research.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
