When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
