You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
