you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
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Oh Jesus.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
