There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
