There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
