you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
