Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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