Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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