i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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