i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
