dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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