yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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