How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
