I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
