so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
