A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
