Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
