someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My brain says no but my pants say off.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she told me i tasted like america
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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