whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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