So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
