i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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