I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize