Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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