She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
