who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
