I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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