hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
