My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i love accidental penises.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize