; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
