Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
