guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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