So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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