if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she pinky promised me she was 18
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
