hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
