I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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