so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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