This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
