'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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